To Those I Leave Behind
by CharlotteL
Summary: This story grew from 'Alicia, I Think You Need A Friend' and is post 15/5. Will has written letters to his friends and his executor (David A from my earlier story) delivers them. Angela isn't a character, David is the only OC character. How will Alicia, Diane and Kalinda react? Might offer some closure to those Will left behind.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story grew from 'Alicia, I Think You Need A Friend' although I haven't included Angela as yet (I might not), but David was necessary as a conduit for Will's letters and as Diane's friend.**

 _Fields of Gold_ (Sting)

Chicago, April 2014

David Austen, lawyer and Professor at Northwestern, knocked on the door of the smart townhouse and sighed gently. He was not looking forward to his latest task, something that fell on his shoulders as the executor of his friend's estate. It had been three weeks since Will Gardner had died and he was beginning to follow his late friend's wishes. It was cold, the snow had just melted and he could see his breath in the air as he waited for a response. The door opened and Kurt McVeigh smiled at him, "Hey, David, come on in," he said stepping to one side to let David inside. "Thanks," he replied, "it's quite nippy out. Is Diane home, she wasn't at the office?"

"Yeah, through there," he pointed towards the lounge where Diane was curled at one end of the couch. Diane looked up as he entered, giving a crooked smile and a slight nod as she took off her glasses and sat up. "Hey," he said in a tone that sounded like he had the weight of a thousand years on his shoulders. Diane put down her glasses on top of the book she had previously abandoned and took a few steps towards him, embracing when they met in the centre of the room. "Oh David, I feel so lost," she said as they parted a moment later.

David let his arm fall on his friend's back as he guided her back to her seat. Diane sat and David unbuttoned his cashmere overcoat that had been protecting him from the chilly spring air.

"Do you want some tea?" Kurt asked, knowing that even after over forty years in the States, his wife's friend still favoured the stereotypical drink of his homeland.

"Tea would be lovely, thank you," he replied, sitting down in a chair opposite Diane. "Dee?" Kurt questioned looking at his wife. "Thanks," she nodded taking a long breath as she settled herself. Kurt went down to their kitchen to prepare the hot drinks. He knew that Diane was struggling since Will died and he wished that he could do something to really help her. Yes, being there was one thing, and she told him over and over that she was grateful he was with her, but they didn't have a long history together, not like her and Will or, her and David. Those guys seem to know what to do, or in Will's case, knew what to do, how to calm her. However, today wasn't one of the days when David would make Diane feel better, at least not straight away.

"You look like you haven't sleep in days, Diane," he noted.

"No, no," she shook her head, "I am finding it very difficult to sleep. People say 'rest, you'll feel better,' but it is easy to rest, to sit, but it is very hard to actually get any rest, to sleep, to recover." She said, slightly exasperated with her own inability to sleep and make herself snap out of the mire of mourning that had gripped her since her business partner and friend had been cruelly taken from the world.

David got up and moved to sit next to Diane, putting his arm across her shoulders. Diane immediately rested her head on his shoulder before sayig, "I don't know why I'm telling you this, _you_ have lost far more than I have. You've grieved for a wife. I just lost my legal partner," she shook her head feeling she didn't deserve such time to heal. "Dee," David said, turning so that she was looking him in the face, "for many years Will was like a husband to you. You shared so much, good and bad, and were _always there for each other._ Do not lessen your friendship or love for him by trying to get over his death quickly."

Diane slowly closed her eyes and nodded, "Yes, you are right."

"And don't forget," David added, "you knew Will far longer than I knew Valerie, so don't cheat him out of your love." Diane took a deep breath and took David's hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and moving it up and down in agreement. "I won't," she said quietly. "We used to say that our relationship was like a marriage, but without the sex," she chuckled. David smiled, "See, that's the Diane I know peeking through. Give yourself time."

When Kurt returned with their tea, David moved back to his original seat to let Kurt sit next to his wife. Diane rubbed her hand on Kurt's thigh and he grabbed it, squeezing it gently in his fingers to signify his support. She looked at him through tear-stained eyes and he kissed her lightly on her cheek. With that Diane sniffed and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief, before saying with a smirk, "Shall I be Genevieve?"

David laughed loudly and threw his head back against the chair. Diane laughed with him and, although confused, Kurt was so pleased to hear his wife's unrestrained laugh for the first time in weeks. "I don't get it," Kurt said turning to Diane.

"Sorry darling," she said, placing her hand on his leg again as she leant forward to pour the tea, "instead of 'Shall I be Mother?' David used to joke 'Shall I be Genevieve?' in a very pantomime-Dame-style voice." Kurt still looked puzzled. Diane clarified, "David's mother was called Genevieve. She was a very forthright, but fun lady," she smiled at her friend across the coffee table.

"I see," Kurt nodded.

"She loved Will," David added, "thought he was a 'lovely young man, just the right side of crazy," he emphasised her view of Will in a comedic feminine voice which made Diane laugh again. Kurt smiled, pleased that his wife was able to forget the dark cloud above her, even for just five minutes. "She sounds like a character," he said.

"Oh, yes," David confirmed. "I think she caused ninety years of chaos!" He joked.

….

As they drank their tea, Diane asked the reason for David's visit and he became more serious.

"As you know I am Will's executor and apart from distributing his estate and sorting out the firm with you and his sisters, I have another task. This is something that I didn't think I'd actually do. Hell," he paused, "I, well, _nobody_ , thought I would really _be_ his executor. He should have outlived me." David said, taking a deep breath and staring up to the ceiling. "You have a bulb out," he added, turning away from Diane and Kurt and rubbing his palm across his mouth, resting his face on his hand. Diane recognised the pain in her friend and that his way of coping with grief was simply to ignore or push it away. "I'll have Kurt get right on it," Diane said gesturing to the light. Kurt smiled before saying, "Will's death shook all of us, he was the next generation, he shouldn't have gone first. Not like that," he paused, "the sheriff should have secured his weapon," he spat the last sentence and got up to walk towards the window, "damn!" he said. "Kurt, this isn't the time to carry out an investigation, nobody could have envisaged it happening," she said walking over to him and rubbing his back.

Diane and Kurt sat down again opposite David who had composed himself. "Anyway, my additional responsibility is to deliver some letters Will wrote. They are to those closet to him and," he paused, "I have one for you," he said looking at Diane. Diane became more alert, "What? What do you mean by letters? It is not as if Will knew he would die?"

"I know it is something those faced with the prospect of terminal illness or old age normally do, but I think he was prompted to write them by Jonas' death, as it was so sudden."

Diane turned to Kurt, "You didn't meet Jonas. He was the 'Stern' in 'Stern Lockhart and Gardner' but he had left the building by the time I met you."

Kurt nodded, "By the time Will introduced me to you, you mean," he smiled at his wife.

"Yes," she took his hand, "Will gave me a husband," she smiled and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"So he wrote them years ago?" She questioned.

"Originally, yes. He updated them periodically. There was a letter for me that explained the letters he wrote, where to find them and some further instructions."

"Where were they?"

"In the safe in his bedroom," David answered. He pulled at his overcoat that lay across the arm of the chair, taking a small box from its pocket. He fiddled with it in his hands before he began to speak. "Alongside the letter was an instruction to give you this. I think it might be explained in the text," he bobbed his head as he walked across the room to hand her the box. Diane took she small box in the distinctive Tiffany Blue in her hands and stared at it. David put his hand into his inside jacket pocket and pulled out the envelope destined for her. On seeing the envelope, Diane put the jewel box on the table and took the letter from David. He went back to sit in his chair.

Diane stared at the cream envelope in her hands, she ran her fingers over the text, 'Mrs Diane McVeigh,' in Will's hand and smiled weakly. "Although I always kept Diane Lockhart for work, Will loved that the once staunch feminist singleton got hitched and he used to call me 'Mrs M'," she recalled.

"He knew you were happy and he also knew how proud you were of your husband. He told me that he suggested changing the firm's name on your marriage but you wouldn't hear of it."

"No," she shook her head. "But he would have loved it if we had abbreviated to the initial, MG, like we did with L/G," she smiled.

"Oh," Kurt smirked.

"Yeah, that's probably why. Maybe he thought he could get a free car!" David added.

"Anyway," David brought them back to reality, "you can decide if you want to read it, but I think the gift will be explained."

Diane looked over at her friend and held the envelope close to her chest, "Thank you."

"I should be going," David said, standing up to put his overcoat back on. "Thanks for the tea Kurt," he nodded at him.

"I'll show you out," Kurt jumped up to lead David to the door. Before he opened the door onto the cold street air, he added, "Regardless of what that letter says, thanks for bringing a bit of Dee back. I feel helpless but I hope, with time, it will get better."

David smiled at Kurt, "It will. But it will take time, I know. I have to go break or mend more hearts now," he said as he took his leave. Kurt closed the door and sighed as he heard the feint sound of his wife running a letter opener along the envelope. He smiled and went upstairs, leaving her to her final moment with Will.

 **A/N: OK, this was meant to be a short intro but multiplied! Holidays are giving me more time to write and plan. What do you think? Subsequent chapters will involved David delivering the letters and the recipients reading (or maybe not reading!) them.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. So, it took me a while to write this. I'm not sure I am happy with it, so maybe some editing is necessary.**

 _We Built This City_ (Starship)

Chicago, April 2014

Diane pulled the letter from its envelope and began to read:

 _Dear Diane,_

 _You are my best friend. I can't imagine how my life would have turned out without you._

 _I was prompted to write this after Jonas died. I hope you don't have to read it anytime soon, but just in case, as we don't know what is around the corner._

 _We three had been like the three musketeers when we started! We were mavericks._

 _I am very proud of what we achieved together. I am grateful to you and to Jonas for taking on a relatively young lawyer as named partner. Although I was an equity partner at my previous firm, it meant so much more to be on the letterhead. (It really impressed the girls!) Maybe our names should have been up in lights, like on Broadway! I can see you there, Diane Lockhart - the leading lady of Chicago Law. You might want to get Kurt to fix you one of those mirrors with the lights round it!_

 _We said we would work together until it was not fun or profitable anymore. Well, these last few years without Jonas have been the best yet. Although we have had our problems, we have always come out the other side and, for me at least, it has been a lot of fun. I wasn't ready to quit._

 _It is sad that if you are reading this then you are the last one standing from Stern, Lockhart & Gardner._

 _I am sorry for bringing Bond on board. I thought he would help our firm to grow but realise now it was foolish. You were cautious and I should have listened to you._

 _I am also so, so sorry that actions from my youth reverberated on my career and caused serious problems for you and our firm. If I could go back to Baltimore, to 1997, I would do it differently – I regret it so much Diane._

 _I don't think I have ever told you how grateful I am to you for speaking to Lionel and the_ _disciplinary board about the pro bono department; you didn't have to - you saved me and you fought for the firm. For that, I will always be thankful. It showed me how much you cared and how lucky I am to have you as a partner. Wherever we ended up, I respect you Diane._

 _I regret trying to force you out when you were offered a judgeship. I was angry at you for the interview you gave that exposed the firm and detailed my problems, but in hindsight, I understand your reasons and anyway, we made up!_

 _We have had so many good times, in and out of court. I am so pleased to have had you as a friend and a confidante. Drinking and dancing in the office was so much fun, I wish we could have done it more._

 _I am pleased that you have found love with Kurt. You are a perfect match. I love watching the effect he has on you; seeing the usually calm and confident lawyer stumble and fall over her words when he walks by is wonderful!_

 _I just wish I had been so lucky to have somebody commit to spending their life with me. Instead I had fleeting relationships and a love affair with Alicia that nearly brought our friendship and the firm to its knees. I don't regret that, as I loved Alicia, but I am sorry for what it did to us. We can't help who we fall in love with and for me, that was a done deal long before we met._

 _Whatever happens at the firm, don't let it defeat you. Fight it. I know you will fight it with dignity and grace. That was something I couldn't do; I got angry and emotional. I regret my actions when Alicia and Cary left. I went a little crazy._

 _I hope to make peace with Alicia and Cary and I want you to do the same, if you haven't already. They are ambitious and, hell, we didn't exactly leave our old firms in good standing when we formed SLG. I don't want to fight anymore._

 _Finally, if David has carried out my wishes, you should have a small box. This is something I saw when I was in New York recently._

 _I know you wore a dragonfly on your wedding day and that they symbolise change and self-realisation, which I think fitted with the spirit of the day. They also_ _exude a sense of power and poise, two qualities that you have in buckets._

 _Well, look in the box. A friend told me that butterflies symbolise resurrection, endurance and hope. So, I think we achieved the resurrection of Lockhart & Gardner, we endured many challenges together and there is hope for the future. Apparently a future without me. Don't be sad for me and don't push Kurt away._

 _I know you hate saying goodbye, so I will just say 'follow the law' and have a drink for me._

 _Love always,_

 _Will (a.k.a. Hot Shot Lawyer and occasional bad boy!)_

When she finished reading, she sank down onto the couch, sobbing as she held the letter and cradled the box in her lap. Kurt sat down beside her, placing a scotch on the table in front of them. He put his arm around her and she moved to rest against his chest, silently weeping over the loss of her friend.

 **A/N: Let me know what you think. I'll be moving on to a different recipient next time, then we should have some reactions from the readers.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This is a little filler to get us to the culmination of the letters and the repercussions of what was written in them.**

 _The River of Dreams_ (Billy Joel)

Chicago, April 2014

Getting Kalinda Sharma to commit to a time to sit down with him had been difficult. She was elusive, quirky, but above all, she was smart. David sensed she was wary of why he wanted to meet one-on-one.

He wasn't particularly keen on meeting her in a bar, but that was what she preferred, so he found himself surrounded by pretty, young (drunken) things waiting for the investigator to turn up. He walked to the bar and scanned the room. He felt a little out of place. Bars, cocktails and tequila shots weren't really his thing. He was more of a pint of beer and a pub kind of guy, however, he did appreciate good wine and the occasional G and T.

The bartender asked what he would like. He smiled and replied, "Gin and tonic, please." "Right away, Sir," the bartender said, placing a cocktail napkin on the bar while he prepared the simple drink. David quickly found himself cradling a chilled glass as he contemplated the conversation he was about to have with Kalinda. He suspected that whatever happened, it probably wouldn't last too long.

Kalinda stood on the pavement looking through the window into the bar. She spotted the old professor at a table in the corner and thought back to the last time she had met him: it had been at Will's funeral. He had sat next to Diane and had given a quiet, scoffing, " _Hmm_ ," when one of Will's sisters had mentioned Will was a good cook during her eulogy. She liked David Austen. He was quiet, unassuming, but honest. He was the archetypal English gent, with a little side of crazy American, that Kalinda felt had found its way into his character by way of his late Baltimore-born wife. He had been friends with Diane for many decades and, when Lockhart Gardner was in financial difficulties, had almost come on board as a silent partner. She took a deep breath and entered the bar, her boots clicking on the tiled floor.

"Hi, David," Kalinda said as she approached his table.

"Hello, Ms Sharma," he replied. "We seem to meet under the most trying of circumstances, please do join me," he added, gesticulating at the chair opposite.

"I think I'll get a drink," she said, "would you like another?"

"Tonic water please," he replied.

"There isn't gin in that?" she questioned. She was sure she could smell the perfume of the juniper-based spirit, almost like a pine tree, wafting across the table.

"Ah," he smiled, "yes, it is an old conference trick of mine. Start out with a G and T, then switch to simple tonic. Everyone thinks you are still drinking and you get to watch your colleagues become increasingly drunk, while picking up lots of juicy gossip," he chuckled.

"I prefer to drink," she added, bobbing her head and smiling at the lawyer.

"So does my daughter," he replied.

"I'll be right back."

Once Kalinda returned with their drinks, David began to explain why he wanted to meet her. "As you might be aware, I am Will Gardner's executor and one of my duties is to carry out his final wishes. These include distributing some letters that Will wrote to those closet to him," he swallowed hard and took a sip of his drink.

"Okay," Kalinda nodded. She didn't seem too surprised or question him like Diane did. He pondered whether Kalinda was already aware of the letters. He continued, "One of them is addressed to you."

Kalinda felt her chest tighten a little and took a deep breath. She realised that she was in danger of showing too much emotion in front of David as tears welled in her eyes. Unable to speak, she nodded.

David reached inside his jacket and took out a cream envelope. He handed it to Kalinda. She smiled, "Thank you," at David before running her fingers over the handwritten text: _Kalinda Sharma_.

David finished his drink and said, "I'll be going now. Get in touch if you want anything or even if you want to talk." He put a copy of his business card on the table. Kalinda tried to blink back the tears but it was hopeless. "Thanks," she nodded as she wiped her face with her hand.

As David stood, Kalinda grabbed his arm. "When did he write it?"

"I'm not sure exactly," he shook his head, "he originally wrote letters when Jonas Stern died, but re-wrote them many times over the years. I think he did completely new versions when Mrs Florrick and Mr Agos left Lockhart Gardner. Does that help?"

"Yes," she nodded, looking down at the envelope.

With that, David put on his coat, said goodbye to the investigator and left the bar. Outside he took a deep breath. He only had one letter left to distribute in Chicago. That would be the most difficult. From what he understood of their relationship, he felt hearing from Will would shatter what was left of the recipient's heart. He steeled himself against the cool April air, while psychologically steeling himself for the conversation to come.

 **A/N: OK, this was really short, but I didn't think David and Kalinda would have much to say to each other. Once she reads her letter we can move on to Alicia and some reactions…**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, I wanted to wait until the finale. #GoodWifeFarewell**

 _No Way Out_ (Electric Light Orchestra)

Chicago, April 2014

Kalinda sat on the bed in her apartment. It was late and the only light was from a lamp that bathed the room in a muted glow. She looked down at the envelope in front of her and took a deep breath. She flicked open the pocket knife at her side and slid it along the envelope, carefully slicing open the thick paper. Her breathing quickened as she pulled out the letter and began reading.

 _Dear Kalinda,_

 _First and foremost I am sorry if we ended our friendship on a negative note, I hope we didn't. Obviously, something has happened to me if you are reading this, or if you broke into my safe, boo! Sorry K, I bet you're smiling._

[Kalinda smiled to herself and wiped away a tear; it was almost as if she could hear him chuckle.]

 _I was prompted to write this after Stern died. I hope you don't have to read it anytime soon, but just in case, as we don't know what is around the corner. I think we both know that more than most._

 _It is difficult to put our friendship into words, but thank you for being a friend Kalinda, our relationship was always more than just employer-employee. I like to think we are equals, certainly on a personal and intellectual level. You're smart K, one of the smartest people I know; I mean it. You're the best investigator I've ever worked with, but your maverick nature reminds me of a '40s film noir thriller, almost like L/G's femme fatale._

 _I know we both sometimes walked an ethical tightrope and maybe even the greyer areas of the law, but we got results. We got results together. I am proud of our work and the fact that you managed to kick Blake's ass in order to save mine. I will always be grateful for what you did for me._

 _I think we have always had an understanding. I always said I had your back, so I hope you've still got mine. I've kept your secrets and I hope you will always keep mine. Since the Grand Jury, I haven't got many, but there are some that could hurt those around me, especially Alicia. I have hurt her enough and don't want anything else to harm her, especially as I am no longer there to put up a fight, to protect her._

 _We respect each other K. That is something I hold very dear. I know you are loyal to me, so I hope you can transfer that loyalty to Diane and, as a result, to L/G. Please look out for Diane, she will be lost. Don't let her be the baby seal that gets clubbed to death in the battle for power._

 _You are one of the few people I could really let my guard down with. I think that cemented our friendship – neither of us had anyone else we could really have a heart-to-heart with, or as near a heartfelt conversation as either of us could manage._

 _We have shared a lot these past few years and I will miss you. You gave me the courage to make changes. You pushed me towards Alicia and, from what I understand, encouraged her too. I am pleased that you did, as Alicia and I managed to finally get our good timing, if only for a little while. Thank you for giving me the love of my life._

 _I don't know what happened between you and Alicia, but you haven't been as close as you once were. Even though she is at her own firm, please try to mend the situation. You both need a friend, somebody you can talk to, get drunk with and lean on. This is especially_ _true now that I am no longer around to provide a,_ ahem _, handsome drinking buddy for you. Fix it, K, before it is too late._

 _I know you have your armour K, but try to let somebody in, I mean really in. You need friends but also somebody to share your life with on a more intimate level. Nick Saverese, Mr Tow Truck, was not right for you and I am pleased that he is permanently out of the picture. You deserve better, whether you think you do or not._

 _Stay out of trouble, K. I'll be watching. (Only joking!)_

 _Love,  
Will x_

 _P. S. The key alongside this letter is to my apartment. It has been my sanctuary the last few years, let it be your safe place. I know it won't be sold in your lifetime. Be safe._

Kalinda took the key in her fingers and tapped it against her chin. She stood up suddenly and went into her bathroom. Opening the medicine cabinet, she took out a packet of condoms. Removing one from its foil packet, she unrolled it and slid the key inside before removing the air and tying a tight knot in it. Walking towards the toilet, she took the lid off the cistern and dropped the key into the water. Chuckling to herself, she replaced the lid and went to the kitchen for a drink.

 **A/N: OK, so now we can move on to Alicia, who I guess everyone has been waiting for… Please review to let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thanks for all the follows, favourites and reviews. Sorry for the long wait for an update – been so busy lately. Trying to update all my stories this week.**

 _._

 _If You Leave Me Now_ (Chicago)

Chicago, April 2014

.

David Austen sat opposite Diane Lockhart in her office in the newly minted firm of Lockhart/Gardner & Canning.

"I'm pleased you kept Gardner in there," he mused.

"Yes, me too. I am part of Lockhart Gardner and I really wanted to maintain that. Louis felt we should keep it out of respect to Will, which was nice. I was pleased as I wasn't in the mood to argue."

"Dee, I have a problem."

"Oh?" she enquired.

"Well, it's not a problem, _per se_ , but I have a letter that Will wrote, I guess, in the same vein as yours, to give to Alicia Florrick. I'm not sure whether I should go to her home or her office. She doesn't know me and I don't want to unduly upset, given what you've said about her and Will."

Diane sighed and removed her glasses, folding them in her hands. "I see," she said thoughtfully looking down at her glasses. "I understand your reticence. She is not in a good place at the moment and has been a little withdrawn," she said by way of offering some insight into Alicia's current state.

David nodded and looked a little pensively at his friend. "What do you mean by 'withdrawn'?" he enquired.

"As we all have, she has been in mourning and has had difficulty coming to terms with Will's death. I think it hit her particularly hard because of their friendship and," she paused, lowering her voice a little, "past relationship."

David nodded, "I understand they were _close_ ," he said.

"Yes," Diane confirmed. "Alicia took some time away from Florrick Agos and, I believe, fought with Peter. She questioned herself over and over, which I don't think helped her recovery. She focused on a partial voicemail that Will left her and tried in vain to reconcile her feelings for him."  
David looked downcast, "So do you think I should wait to give her the letter?"

"No," Diane shook he head, "I think it might help her heal, to read Will's words again," she took a short breath, "even if they aren't exactly what she hoped."

David nodded before beginning again, "Diane, I have another question that I hope you can answer."

"Okay," she said slowly, leaning forward on her arms.

….

When he returned home, David hung up his overcoat and walked into his office. He pressed the switch to turn on the green banker's light on his desk and sat down behind it. He sighed lightly as he opened the top drawer. Taking out a black folder he slid back the elastic binding and pulled it open to find the slim cream envelope labeled ' _Alicia Florrick_.' Laying the envelope on his blotter, he returned to the folder to retrieve several unsealed envelopes; some had been ripped open, possibly in haste, others had been carefully unsealed with a letter opener. The letters were all addressed to the same recipient: Alicia Florrick. The handwriting on the envelope was the same, but the ink often changed. David noted that these were previous versions of the letters, replaced over time by new versions culminating in the pristine copy in front of him.

His question to Diane still lingered in his mind: should be give Alicia all of the envelopes or just the sealed one? Bound up with this question was another concerning why Will kept them, and to that matter, whether he intended all of the documents to be read by Alicia in the event of his death? His logical mind suggested he just give her the most recent letter as each other recipient received only one. However, his heart urged him to present the entire collection. He would never break his friend's trust and read them, but he reasoned that the content changed a little over the years. David was also concerned that words of love possibly written in the early years might have been replaced by vile phrases and hatred in the months before his death. If that was the case, he didn't want to give Alicia something that would upset her further, especially given what he had learned from Diane. He didn't want to be the one responsible for a dark cloud to continually hover over Mrs Florrick.

He picked up one of the envelopes and tapped it on the blotter as he leant back in his chair. He would visit Alicia tomorrow.

.

 **A/N: This was just a short update to introduce Alicia's letter or letters. Let me know what you think. Should she see** **all** **the versions? Would it upset her too much?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows. Hope you like this, it took me a while to compose as there is more to come.**

 _Always On My Mind_ (Elvis Presley)

Chicago, April 2014

David Austen had approached his meeting with Alicia Florrick with caution. She wasn't the old friend he knew inside out like Diane and she wasn't the intense and outwardly calm investigator he met in Kalinda. She was a different entity altogether: somebody who had once been close to Will and equally, somebody who had hurt him deeply. He was also aware that to her, he was a stranger and a stranger bringing a message from a former love from beyond the grave. Depending on the contents of the letters, he could be her hero in her hour of need or the devil in a wool suit.

He met her at the offices of Florrick/Agos. It was an interesting set-up he mused to himself as he rode up in a service elevator. It reminded him of working in a department store when he was a young man paying his way through Law School. As he pulled the grill open, he had paused to reflect on the life of the young man he loved as if he was his own son and wished so much that Will was the one carrying out his last wishes – at least it followed the natural order; regardless of circumstance, the old should not outlive the young. David was unaware of the role bad timing had played in Will's relationship with Alicia, but one thing was certain, at the end of his life, Will Gardner was certainly in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Alicia had accepted his words calmly and with little response. He thought she was perhaps in shock and had asked the young investigator, Robyn, to check on her as he left. Alicia had thanked him and then simply stared at the foolscap file he placed in front of her.

.

….

.

She closed the apartment door after watching the elevator doors close on Zach and Grace, who were going to stay with Peter for the evening. Turning towards her kitchen, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had planned to begin reading Will's letters tonight. When David first gave them to her forty-eight hours ago, she had to stop herself from ripping them open and immediately devouring the words on each page. Concern over what was inside the letters prevented her from opening them earlier.

She decided to pour herself a glass of wine, as the alcohol would soothe her and hopefully calm her frazzled nerves. Taking a long-stemmed glass from a shelf, she placed it on the counter with a soft clatter. She quickly filled it with a fruity Tempranillo and took a long drink as she leant forward on the counter, staring out of the window into the city as the light faded. A deep breath, combined with the warming red flooding her system, gave her the courage to begin. She moved to her bedroom and closed the door.

Placing her glass on her nightstand, she took the file David had given her from the top drawer and sat cross-legged on her bed. She wondered if she should turn her cell phone off, but realised that she couldn't disconnect her landline lest her children (and others) get suspicious they couldn't contact her, especially given her recent behaviour.

A deep breath.

A sip of wine.

Alicia laid the letters out on the bed in front of her. David had said the most recent letter was the sealed one and the opened envelopes contained previous drafts, which had been replaced over time. Fortunately they were numbered, so she knew the order in which they had been written. She ran her fingers over the collection of missives and sighed. Will had spent the time to write to her and had maintained this over a number of years, even after she ripped his heart in two. She felt her eyes begin to tear at the thought of him trying to quantify his feelings towards her, both good and bad.

She picked up the sealed cream envelope and pressed it to her chest, her crossed palms holding it firmly to her heart. She knew this was his last message to her and wanted to treasure it. But, her earlier concerns far outweighed her desire to read it first. What if he had written it while he was incensed over her defection? However justified his reaction was, she didn't want to risk it being a negative message she first heard in Will's descriptive voice, so she decided to being with the oldest letter. She determined to read them in chronological order, regardless of the pain it caused her. Sniffing back a tear, she recalled the pain she inflicted on Will and therefore in a way, deserved any hate that came her way.

…..

Alicia pulled the first letter from its envelope and began to read. The first line brought tears to her eyes and regret to her heart. She had to stop several times to wipe her eyes to prevent her salty tears from smearing the letter.

...

 _Dear Alicia,_

 _I love you._

 _I was prompted to write this after Jonas died. I hope you don't have to read it anytime soon, but just in case, as we don't know what is around the corner._

 _I love you. I have probably loved you ever since Georgetown, but have never had the opportunity or the guts to tell you to your face. I tried to tell you once, in a voicemail, but in retrospect that was probably not the most romantic gesture I could have shown you._

 _I wish I could go back to Criminal Law 101 and persuade you to go on a date with me. I think about that day a lot, especially since you came back into my life. I wish that I had had the chance to woo you, (in a non-matinee idol kind of a way!), to show you how much I cared for you and to show you that not all men are like your husband. I know my behaviour has not always been the best over the years, but I do think I am a better candidate for your love than Peter. You deserve more than him. I am not trying to diminish your love for him and his role as a parent, after all your children are your world and I respect that. I adore the unconditional love you have for them and the fact that they will always come first. The fact you gave up the law to raise them is testament to this. You are a terrific, gutsy lawyer so I am pleased you came back to the courtroom._

 _I am so grateful for meeting you at Georgetown, but I am so much more thankful for our chance encounter in an elevator in Midtown. I was so surprised and happy to have seen you. I was unsure whether you would call me. It had been a long time since we had spoken to each other and I wasn't sure if you still considered me a friend. I am so pleased that Wells & Bowen didn't work out and that you were able to join SLG. I am also pleased I was the G – maybe it impressed you as much as my cannonballs! _

_All my life you were at the back of my mind and seeing you reignited something in me – you made me a better person – I tried to impress you and by doing so made me consider my actions more carefully than I had been._

 _We kissed. I am not sorry for allowing my emotions to get the better of me over the Willoughby baby as it meant I could press my lips to yours and felt the raw passion I believe you also felt. I am sorry we didn't get to have our dinner. I am sorry again if we never got to have a proper dinner together, as friends, or maybe something else. I hope whatever happens to us, I will always be your friend. I don't want to lose you again._

 _Be happy Alicia and don't let too many objections interrupt your life._

 _Love, always,_

 _Will x_

...

Alicia's hand was shaking and the letter gently flapped in response to her movements. Reaching out, she took her wine in her left hand and took a large mouthful – the red liquid suddenly burning her throat and causing her to gasp. She spluttered a little and started at the page in front of her before folding it and replacing it gently in its envelope. Will was in her heart and her head. She didn't give herself time to digest the first letter before moving on to the second…

 **A/N: OK, so I decided David would give her all of the letters. This is the first one. It was written after Stern died, when Will was dating Tammy (before the Olympics) and before Will and Alicia got their good timing. Let me know what you think… there are some cute moments in future missives.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thanks again for the reviews/follows and for sticking with this story. This chapter follows on directly from Chapter Six.**

 _Love Me Tender_ (Elvis Presley)

Chicago, April 2014

Alicia took the second letter from its envelope and held its folded form in her hands for a few seconds as she contemplated what he could write to top the previous note. Jonas had died in April 2011 and she and Will had begun their affair a few weeks later. She wondered if the next letter was written during that time or even after their relationship ended. Sighing, she hoped it would be the former as she would love to know his thoughts during that time. She loved reading that he loved her. Yes, he once told her accidentally then retracted it like a teenager, but she knew he meant it, and he also told her in a voicemail that she never heard. Reaching out for her wine, she smiled to herself as she pictured Will in his white undershirt sitting on a bed, slowly but sensuously planting tiny kisses along her collarbone and up her neck. She swallowed hard as she realised that the memory of his touch had caused her breathing to quicken and raised her temperature, just as it had done at the time. Taking a mouthful of wine, she closed her eyes for a moment and tried to regulate her breathing. Replacing the wine glass on her nightstand, she unfolded the paper and her breath caught in her throat at seeing Will's handwriting again.

….

 _Dear Alicia,_

 _This is not the first letter I have written to you, but I had to write something now that we are together and you have allowed me to fulfil my wildest dreams in loving you. I hope you know that I love you and have probably loved you ever since Georgetown._

 _I was prompted to write to you after Jonas died. He died so suddenly that I wanted to let you know how I feel. I hope you don't have to read my words anytime soon, but just in case, as we don't know what is around the corner._

 _Having these months together has made me the happiest I have ever been. I have never felt so alive (how ironic?) than when we have been together and I hope that I have not left you too bereft that you feel you can't go on. No, wait, scratch that, I'm_ _narcissistic enough to think women should give up sex altogether after me, I am pretty memorable. Feel free to laugh._

 _[Alicia let out a little snort and felt her eyes tear]_

 _I enjoy being close to you, knowing that I can lay down next you, our skin melting into one so much so that I sometimes don't know where I end and you begin. I feel my senses are heightened and even rubbing my finger against yours, the tiniest touch unnoticed by others, sends a shiver of pleasure through my body._

 _I always regretted the fact we did not date at Georgetown. I hated seeing other men attempt to chat you up, some even took you on dates and all I could do was smile my silly smile and say 'have a good time' while inside I was hurting, my heart shredded at the prospect of losing you. I did lose you. I lost you to Peter. But, crucially, I now have you back in my life and I will do everything in my power to make you happy and ensure you feel safe. I don't want to lose you again._

 _I have always thought I am a better candidate for your love than Peter, even if my juvenile behaviour or lack of commitment over the years might not have shown me to be the one you should have chosen. But now I am ready to show you how much I have changed and that I want to commit to you, to our future._

 _I also wanted to say how much I admire you as a parent. You have so much courage to raise Zach and Grace in the wake of Peter's indiscretions and I love the way you love your kids. They are your world and I know they will always come first. But know this, you will always come first with me._

 _I am so grateful that the stars aligned and we met in an elevator in Midtown. I am thankful everyday that Wells & Bowen didn't work out and you came to work at SLG. From your first day I enjoyed watching you in the halls, at your desk, or in court. It was a pleasure to see that determined lawyer come to the fore again, just as you had fought in mock trial all those years ago. But more so, it was a pleasure just looking at you, catching a glance when I didn't think anyone else was looking. You are truly beautiful and I can't believe that after all these years I finally get to call you 'my girl.'_

 _Whatever happens, be happy Alicia and remember that I will love you forever._

 _All my love,_

 _Will xxx_

…..

Alicia barely finished reading the letter as her eyes filled with tears, she let out a weary howl and slumped forward over on the bed, grabbing a pillow and squeezing it hard as her tears fell onto the soft silk. Will Gardner really had taken her heart, even if she failed to tell him that directly. She wished she could tell him how much she loved him and her regrets just made the tears fall faster.

 **A/N: Okay, so let me know what you think. I envisaged Will writing this letter around the time of 'The Death Zone' and tried to link in the scene where A/W touched fingers at the end of the court case.**


End file.
